Tonight I Watched Big Brother

So tonight I watched the first episode of Celebrity Big Brother and I made a decision… when I have my own home I’m not buying a tv…

For the first 10 minutes I was just plain angry. Raging in fact. Of course this is what they were aiming for, parading around the wonderful K**** H****** (I refuse to post her name and add to the results count when she googles it). But it wasn’t her hateful bullying statements aimed at fat people, ginger people, scottish people, the list goes on and on… no, what made me so annoyed was the fact that she’s still being paid to be on telly spewing them.

Not only is she on there but they’re playing her up as the Wicked Queen, as if her professional bullying is funny and makes her the most entertaining character.

Then the parade continued, some of them I recognised and some I didn’t (I should probably be ashamed of how excited I got over Kavanagh – but I’m not)! Some of them were booed and some were cheered in traditional pantomime style. It was interesting to see, though, how Alicia Duval talked about getting famous and sleeping with lots of people, and was loudly booed when she came out. Immediately after that a man (I forget which one) did exactly the same and was cheered like the stud that he apparently is. Lovely.

I carried on watching, really, really hoping it would stop being the K**** H****** show at some point but alas, it never happened… so it looks like at least the first part of this series will be based on continuing to celebrate the school bully in all her vindictive glory. Playing the game of forcing her to ‘pretend’ to be a decent human being to the other celebs’ faces while bitching about them in the diary room.

But the point that CBB is missing is that the overly bitchy, nasty pantomime villain portrayed by ‘she-who-must-not-be-named’ in her column and on tv, and now in the special lair custom-designed for her ladyship in the Big Brother house – is an act! She’s playing a character for a living and the time that she’s going to spend being forced (read allowed) to be nice to people is going to be easy, in fact it’ll probably be a nice break, because she’ll get to just be the plain old, nice, probably pretty boring human being that she does actually happen to be!

So I’m not the biggest fan of reality tv at the best of times (you probably haven’t read this far without realising that) but I am a bit of a sucker for the jungle and to be honest I wouldn’t have minded catching some of this year’s CBB if it had been sans KH, as there are some people in there that I wouldn’t have minded watching.

But I honestly don’t think I could cope with watching what that awful woman does for a living being glorified to that extent, while the producers sit behind the scenes like a poor man’s version of President Snow’s game makers, praying that she can’t manage to be half-decent and it all blows up. Just imagine the gleeful hand-rubbing when she makes someone cry, and oh the spike in viewers if someone does just smack her square in the face!

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